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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27470590">Texting Bertha Smith</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/vaindumbass/pseuds/vaindumbass'>vaindumbass</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Chatting &amp; Messaging, Detention, Fluff, M/M, Misunderstandings, a bit more confident and pranking Remus, about ten people have said this made them want to touch Remus' hair and i think thats a compliment??, as a treat, but the funny kind i promise</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 18:55:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,492</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27470590</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/vaindumbass/pseuds/vaindumbass</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After a meeting in detention, Sirius decides to text the gorgeous exchange student. Remus, only marginally influenced by Lily, decides to prank him first.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>82</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Texting Bertha Smith</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This was posted in two seperate parts at my <a href="https://vaindumbass.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a>, and i hope you like it!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="">
  <p>There was a desk in the room used for detention that belonged to Sirius. It was in one of the middle rows, because only suck-ups sit in the front and teachers always look in the back, and it was next to the window, so that he could look out over the grounds.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The desk was made from the same old wood as the other ones, and it was just as battered and ugly as the rest of them. The only difference was that this one was filled with scribbles by Sirius’ hand, and a few were courtesy of James, who always sat at the desk next to him.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>They both claimed to have drawn the beautiful phoenix in the middle of the desk, but everyone knew it was actually Peter. Slughorn, who ‘supervised’ the detentions most of the time (he always fell asleep at his desk), never noticed.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Everyone knew it was Sirius’ desk, because he’d make it clear every time he had detention (and that was very, <em>very</em> often), and no one would sit there. Except this time, it seems.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Sirius is therefore absolutely stunned for two reasons when he walks into the classroom, 1) because someone is sitting in his seat, and 2) because the boy sitting there is absolutely gorgeous. Sirius doesn’t know him, only knows that he’s a recent transfer student, and the only reason he vaguely remembers <em>that</em> is because of the aforementioned gorgeousness.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The boy’s crooked nose almost touches the paper when he writes, and his lovely honey brown eyes are focused on the ink flowing out of his quill. There’s even a bit of ink in his (soft-looking) curls, which Sirius, unfortunately, thinks is endearing.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>It’s truly a shame that he’s in Sirius’ chair.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You’re in my seat.” Sirius says.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>In one slow, smooth motion, the boy looks up from where he’s working, and looks Sirius up and down. Sirius resists both the urge to smile flirtatiously at him, and the one to physically pull him out of the chair. “Who are you?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Sirius Black.” He smiles at him. “I’d be more pleased to meet you if you weren’t sitting in my chair.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The boy huffs incredulously, as if he can’t believe Sirius is making such a big deal out of this, as if he thinks Sirius is being <em>petty</em>. (He has a nice smile.) “Remus Lupin. Also, I don’t believe your name is on it?” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Sirius’ smile widens. “Maybe you should look a little better. If you would just get up...” The boy narrows his eyes at him suspiciously, but he stands up. Still grinning, Sirius takes the chair, and points to the place where it says: <em>Sirius Black.</em></p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Remus shakes his head, but the corners of his mouth are curled up so Sirius takes it as a win. “That’s just ridicul--” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Sirius cuts Remus off the moment he takes the now-free chair and turns it around as fast as he can, and then he sits in it, demonstratively. Remus laughs and pushes him to the side, and Sirius ignores the way he’s almost falling off the chair in favour of memorizing the sound.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Of course, this is the moment Slughorn, who had been sleeping peacefully, chooses to wake up. “Black, Lupin, back to your seats, please.” He winks exaggeratedly at Sirius. “Even your famous family can’t help you here.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Sirius begrudgingly accepts and goes to sit in a different desk, muttering about how he doesnt <em>want his families help</em>. Remus has the nerve to shoot him a triumphant grin, and then he looks shocked that he was in a fight over a <em>chair </em>of all things, and Sirius thinks he’s in love.</p>
</div><div class=""><p>He’s sure of that the next time he has detention and sees a phone number crawled under his name, and the words: <em>I hope you won’t make such a fuss about chairs at our date.</em></p><p> </p>
<hr/>
<p></p><div class=""><p> </p><p>“So,” Lily says, casually taking a sip of her drink. “Who did you give your number?” </p></div><div class=""><p>“What-,” Remus sputters, “How did you know I gave someone my number?” </p></div><div class=""><p>Lily grins at him. “I didn’t. But also, you’ve been fiddling with your phone for hours now. So, who did you give your number?”</p></div><div class=""><p>“I didn’t.” </p></div><div class=""><p>Lily’s grins only becomes wider. “You’ve been here for what, a week? You certainly don’t waste any time.” </p></div><div class=""><p>“Yes,” Remus says, grasping at straws. “Only a week. Which means you don’t know me well enough to ask this.” </p></div><div class=""><p>Green eyes stare at him, unwavering, until, once again, Lily laughs at him. “Nice try.”</p></div><div class=""><p>“Thank you. Anyway, what did you have for Slughorn’s tes-” </p></div><div class=""><p>“Who is it, Remus?” </p></div><div class=""><p>A sigh escapes Remus lips. “Okay, so, remember when you told me about the marauders, and that ‘I should just be careful’ even though they are ‘good people’.” </p></div><div class=""><p>Lily slaps a hand over her mouth, her eyes sparkling. “Tell me you didn’t.” </p></div><div class=""><p>Defeated, he looks at the floor. “I did. But, in my defense, Sirius Black is hot.”</p></div><div class=""><p>“James Potter is hot too, and you don’t see <em>me</em> giving him my number, do you?”</p></div><div class=""><p>Remus simply raises an eyebrow, because while he may know Lily for only a week, it’s already very obvious that Lily wouldn’t pass up on the opportunity to score a date with James Potter (she calls him hot a little too often for him to think otherwise.). </p></div><div class=""><p>Lily shoves him in response. “Shut up.”</p></div><div class=""><p>Remus does, and in the silence that follows, he hears the tell-tale <em>ping</em> of a notification. Lily looks at him, wide-eyed. Remus looks back, then picks up the phone.</p></div><div class=""><p>
      <em>Unknown number (15:15): Hey Remus, this is Sirius.</em>
    </p></div><div class=""><p>
      <em>Unknown number (15:15): From detention.</em>
    </p></div><div class=""><p>“I can’t believe that worked.” Lily says from where she’s breathing over Remus shoulder, “You’re cute, I can see that, but what would you even have done if he wasn’t interested?”</p></div><div class=""><p>Remus just shrugs, a move that, unfortunately, doesn’t manage to move Lily back to a normal position. “I could always have pretended to be someone else.”</p></div><div class=""><p>Lily’s eyes start light up. “You should still do that. He deserves it for making you wait so long. Plus, it would be funny.” </p></div><div class=""><p>He considers it, for a moment, and then before he knows it he has typed something out. Lily presses send before he can delete it.</p></div><div class=""><p>
      <em>Remus (15:16): Dear Sirius, unfortunately I do not know this Remus you speak of... Could it be you have the wrong number? Also, I know this is not my place to say, but school is important! You can’t learn while in detention. - Kind regards, Bertha Smith.</em>
    </p></div><div class=""><p>“You just did that.” Lily giggles. “You got the tone of an older grandma exactly right, too.” </p></div><div class=""><p>“Thank you.” Remus says, who is still not sure why he send that, but he has to agree with Lily: it <em>is</em> funny.</p></div><div class=""><p>
      <em>Sirius: oh</em>
    </p></div><div class=""><p>
      <em>Sirius: yes, it must’ve been a wrong number</em>
    </p></div><div class=""><p>Lily, from her place on Remus shoulder (exactly the place where one of those little cartoon devils would be) pokes him in the shoulder. “I bet he’s really disappointed right now.” </p></div><div class=""><p>“Yeah, sure.” Remus says, sarcasm dripping off of every syllable. </p></div><div class=""><p>“Dude, he messaged you, <em>of course</em> he’s disappointed.” </p></div><div class=""><p>Again, his phone <em>ping’</em>ed. </p></div><div class=""><p>
      <em>Sirius: thanks for telling me</em>
    </p></div><div class=""><p>
      <em>Remus: Dear Sirius, of course! Did you get Remus’ number, after all? -Kind regards, Bertha Smith.</em>
    </p></div><div class=""><p>“You, Remus Lupin, are<em> cruel</em>.”</p></div><div class=""><p>
      <em>Sirius (15:21): I didn’t, but what can you do</em>
    </p></div><div class=""><p>“Oh yes, Lily, you were right, the disappointment practically oozes off him.”</p></div><div class=""><p>
      <em>Sirius: Did you, by the way, know that in texting you do not have to greet someone or sign off?</em>
    </p></div><div class=""><p>
      <em>Remus: Dear Sirius, you don’t? - Kind regards, Bertha Smith.</em>
    </p></div><div class=""><p>“Can’t believe he’s trying to teach this grandma texting etiquette. Maybe I understand what you see in him.”</p></div><div class=""><p>
      <em>Sirus: no, because it’s already obvious who is texting whom</em>
    </p></div><div class=""><p>“I take it back, did he seriously just use ‘whom’, what a nerd.”</p></div><div class=""><p>
      <em>Sirius: you do you though</em>
    </p></div><div class=""><p>
      <em>Remus: Like this?</em>
    </p></div><div class=""><p>
      <em>Sirius: Exactly! :D</em>
    </p></div><div class=""><p>“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” </p></div><div class=""><p>Lily immediately gets off his shoulder to look him in the eye. “What is it?” </p></div><div class=""><p>“Why the <em>fuck</em> do I think that emoji is <em>this</em> cute? I’m serious, it felt like my heart skipped a beat for a second.”</p></div><div class=""><p>She rolls her eyes. “You’re fine, just crushing very hard.” </p></div><div class=""><p>“Those two things can’t possibly co-exist.” </p></div><div class=""><p>Lily lays a hand on his shoulder. “Look, buddy, this has been very funny, but I think it’s time you stop procrastinating and confess who you are.” </p></div><div class=""><p>“Fine.”</p></div><div class=""><p>
      <em>Remus: Dear Sirius, thanks very much for your help, but I’d like to sign off one last time. -Kind regards, Remus Lupin.</em>
    </p></div><div class=""><p>
      <em>Sirius: WHAT THE-</em>
    </p></div><div class=""><p>
      <em>Sirius: wait you really are Remus and not Bertha, right?</em>
    </p></div><div class=""><p>
      <em>Remus: well, technically I was also Bertha. </em>
    </p></div><div class=""><p>
      <em>Remus: but yes I am Remus</em>
    </p></div><div class=""><p>
      <em>Remus: Hi</em>
    </p></div><div class=""><p>
      <em>Sirius: WHAT THE FUCK</em>
    </p></div><div class=""><p>
      <em>Sirius: I’ll admit you got me good</em>
    </p></div><div class=""><p>
      <em>Remus: thank you</em>
    </p></div><div class=""><p>
      <em>Remus: would you still like to go on a date sometime?</em>
    </p></div><div class=""><p>
      <em>Sirius: yes please</em>
    </p></div><div class=""><p>Lily high-fived him.</p></div></div>
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